Newsletters

Does this email look weird(er than normal) to you? It's also available to view at
www.courchevelenquirer.com/newsletter/03042010.html

03/04/2010
Issue 16

Bex shows off her ice burns

A few days after saying that she wanted to be back in the enquirer Bex(09) made it for all the wrong reasons. The morning after the last night of the Jump she woke up with a sore arse and slightly bloodied sheets. This wasn’t down to being an open-minded girl who will try anything once who couldn’t find protection for the well endowed guy who walked her home. While walking down the piste to 1550 after the closing of the jump she landed on her arse and used it to slow her descent. For those who are regular readers of the enquirer this is more commonly know as a “Jen” after the physio who while donning her frilliest pulling underwear became an inhabitant of town “excruciating ice burn pain suppurating buttocks” (population 2) twinned with Slough.

The end is nigh
After last week I’ve been told I’m not allowed to say anything depressing about the end of the season. Instead I am going to focus on the great subject of end of season panic shagging. This shouldn’t be confused with start of season getting to know you co-workers shagging or New year shagging or just Will Gill. For those who don’t know what this is and can’t work it out from it’s fairly self explanatory description it refers to the phenomenon of frantic last few one night stands that occur at journeys end.
Even before the snow has started to melt all you have to say is “bar” and “closing” and people are at it like rabbits. A prime example was last Sunday when the Jump closed before they had even called last orders faces were being sucked, tonsils were being cleaned and condoms were being scavenged. The latter coming from Aaron after spending most of the evening working his magic on Joanna(Kaluma).
This poses the question “How does he do it?” Is there some special Aaron pheromone that makes him irresistible to the opposite sex? Do you rub yourself on him if you want a girl to guarantee to put out? (or do you worry that even the faintest whiff of Aaron No.5 will cause the girl to be distracted by the snowboarding Don Juan)
Ben Williams has taken a shine to Powder white girls past and present starting the week in the Jump “screwing the crew” with Deville(left) and then ended the week with Emma(PW 09).
Luckily these antics should continue this week as the Kalico which had it’s last seasonnaire night last Wednesday is having another last seasonnaire night this Wednesday.

The editor

Alpine Excess t-shirts

After running out of brand names that begin with C and sharing roughly the same length as Courchevel I have transmogrified a certain credit card logo. These can now be purchased directly from the online store on the web site and would make an ideal present.

Please note item shipped from France will take 3-5 days to arrive in UK. (if the uk post office is not on strike)

Timmo buys the Jump bar (again)
After a disastrous year for the hotel chain which brought the Jump 2 years ago including intensive flood damage over the summer for the Hotel de la Croisette, Timmo, the previous owners has successfully negotiated the re-purchase of the property. Jimbo has already been asked to reprise his job of bar manager for the 2011 season.
Casino coming to 1850
After almost a decade of negotiation Eric Tournier has finally managed to get a licence for a casino in 1850. The location currently hasn’t been disclosed but rumour has it that when the ISBA/Hotel Paddock is re-developed this summer it will contain facilities in the basement floors.
WILL you marry me
After a lightning romance of only two months Will Gill popped the question and asked for Elsa’s(Powder white) hand in marriage. After driving over to Meribel he waited until the end of the evening before he dropped on one knee and revealed a ½ carat solitaire to surprise Elsa. Luckily she said yes and the wedding is planned for July on the south coast.
Aaron comes out
The reason for breaking up with his long-term girlfriend in the summer has finally become clear. Aaron has finally stopped living a lie and come out of the closet. Although several girls this season have tried (and failed) to turn him straight again his passion for male company has become more evident. With the gold chain, more chest hair on display and a bottle of perfume on hand what initially was thought as metro has now turned out to be homo.
Courchevel unveils new Russian lift pass
To take advantage of their more affluent Russian visitors Courchevel is introducing their new oligarch pass. The pass itself costs 10 times the price of a normal pass, and apart from being plated in faux gold offers no benefits over the normal pass. They also offer an Oligarch Party In My Pants pass (the PIMP) which allows up to 5 young female “students” to gain the same benefits of the normal Oligarch pass.
Restrictions on purchasing the pass include having an unpronounceable name, a black credit card with Cyrillic lettering, a wallet full of crisp 500 euro notes.“Students” must prove they have at least 4*luxe accommodation in resort and no source of financial independence.