Newsletters

Does this email look weird(er than normal) to you? It's also available to view at
www.courchevelenquirer.com/newsletter/27022010.html

27/02/2010
Issue 11

Rob Sewell broken femur. Before surgery(left) and after(right)

Jump bar opens (finally)

I know this should have appeared in issue 1 but as you probably know the Croisette hotel and Jump bar had a little water issue in the basement. Apparently the water in question didn’t like being kept in cramped pipes and preferred to convert the basement into it’s own little aquarium. Don’t even ask me what they found swimming around down there in November, let just say it didn’t have gills.
Anyway the Jump is finally having it’s season opening on Monday open from 4pm to 1am everynight. To kick it off on opening night they have Irish Gallie from 5pm to 7pm. After that they are having a hat and headdress party (no normal bennies allowed). All seasonnaires with funky headgear get a free shot with a mystery prize for the best dressed.

Hanna(kaluma) makes an awesome chocolate cake.
Going out (drinking) with Will Gill can seriously damage you health and may result in a visit to Moutiers.
Putting lemon juice in your eye is very stupid & painful.
Isn’t it Deville(Powder white)?
Fisher(PW) finally gets some Scott Dunn action.
Geri Halliwell does occasional temporary work behind the refuge bar.

Alpine Excess t-shirts

After running out of brand names that begin with C and sharing roughly the same length as Courchevel I have transmogrified a certain credit card logo. These can now be purchased directly from the online store on the web site and would make an ideal present.

Please note item shipped from France will take 3-5 days to arrive in UK. (if the uk post office is not on strike)

Injuries of the week

Although not chronologically correct the break on the front page is probably one of the worst I’ve seen. Another warning from Rob about doing off piste skiing in early December. A fall, a rock, a broken femur.
Emma(Kaluma) came out of the first of serveral surgerys to repair her knee ligaments. Sarah, 1550 private chalet girl, chalked up her first entry in the enquirer after injuring her ankle ligaments. Not a season ender but enough to stop her skiing for several weeks. Although she claims this happened on piste rumour has it that this really occured by the hottub with Lyndon(RTM).
Earlier this week I was introduced to the lovely Lauren(Tremplin) who broke the ice by showing me her gash... on her thumb. 4 stitches to be precise. Un-bon.

How to be a Seasonnaire - the definitive guide
as imagined by Belle de Neige

Come on... let's not lie. For many a seasonaire, being here in Courchevel is basically like being on a five month holiday where instead of paying for shit your just have to clean skid marks off a few toilets. There are some rules to follow though. And here they are: boiled down into an essential guide:
Seasonaires must always:
1. Wear a (preferably neon colourful) knitted hat with obligatory huge pom pom at ALL times. Whether out riding, hanging out in the bar or cleaning aforementioned toillettes....possibly sometimes while sleeping.
2. Have 'chalet hands' - these are essentially fooked, with cracks, chapped skin, scabs and perpetually dirty nails. They should ideally always smell of onions and cause the bearer to wail expletives loudly when coming into contact with lemon juice.
3. Use window cleaner and tissues to clean absolutely everything, from windows to toilet seats. It's all about the corner cutting, people, and that shit shines everything up lovely.
4. Use words such as 'Sick', 'Badass' and 'Righteous' to describe ski and snowboard gear and activities, without any hint of irony or embarrassment.
5. Smoke like a bonfire but never ever have a lighter. Or cigarettes.
6. Wear the most clashing combination neon colours you can find, preferably baggy ski pants and goggles. Never sunglasses. 'Punterish' gear - anything by Spider, for example or anything with fur or that is (snow preserve us) shiny is basically social suicide.
7. Never ever use blades. Just not done kiddies. You look a c**t.
8. Bed hop without shame or remorse.
9. Be from Cornwall, Devon or Manchester. Preferably. And if from elsewhere claim to be from Cornwall, Devon or Manchester.
10. Understand and finally submit to the truth of the ultimate evolutionary domination of skiers over snow boarders. It's about self propulsion, shoppers. Poles. The number of times I've seen some helpless creature who's sellotaped themselves to a snow board flailing away on the flat trying desperately to get to a downwards slope. And ending up looking like a twat because they have to ask their skiing companions to tow them with a pole. Shunt shunt shunt. It's just not cool is it? Particuarly when you've got skiers skating past you at a rate of knots. Survival of the best adapted. That's all I'm saying. If you want to skateboard go to f***ing Brixton.