Dear Alex, It is true that I did offer to write an article based on the simplicity and almost total ineptitude of the male brain when faced with certain female bodily assets, and it is probably true that in a drunken state, I reassured you, nee promised, to have it in for the New Year issue. So forgive me, I've not only let you down, but worst of all, I've let myself down. I know, I know, you're not angry, you're 'disappointed'. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person.
However, with my large slice of humble pie well and truly digested I feel it only fair to attempt to salvage some small shred of dignity in the face of an onslaught from the pink haired writing squid. Obviously my cleavage, and certainly Ines's on New Year's Eve, has gone to your head and simply melted any shreds of tangible reality left in there. I feel it only fair to warn those other unsuspecting females out there that the hardest nose to remove from my cleavage that night was infact yours, not to mention your camera lens.
In fact, your brain was jolted so quickly south toward your trouser region that you can't even remember how to spell my name (it's a C not a K). Please don't think I'm being arrogant about this. Not for one second do I imagine that the attention I received that night had anything to do with my witty conversation or dazzling personality. Frankly, I'm amazed that you were even able to remember what my face looked like to match picture to cleavage.
Finally, let's talk about the subject of deadlines. Yes, it's true - I let mine pass by with, quite frankly, not the slightest concern for your rag. Let's just assess this situation. For a start, I work. Some of us do that Alex. It's good for the soul and it saves you from bumming around ski resorts thrashing around in a mid life crisis. Maybe if you spent less time dyeing your hair and finding any excuse to point a camera lens in the breasticle area while you follow the
Courchevel 1850 social scene around, you'd be able to fill out your own paper without having to resort to cheap shots.
Hope you've got room to fit this in your 'newspaper'.
