Being an owner of two X chromosomes I do sometimes wear pink and have been known to go to the toilets with a girlfriend but I am not the most girlie girl there is. I can wire a plug, carry my own skis and board and know what it means when you cross-thread a screw.
I know an average amount about cars. I have progressed from telling vehicles apart by size and colour and will happily watch Top Gear. But I have to say I was somewhat baffled by some of the automobiles seen around when I arrived in
Courchevel.
ìThatÃs a Porche? But itÃs an off-road!î ìWhy bring a Ferrari to the mountains?î Granted, with the passing of Russian Christmas a lot of these unnecessarily wanky vehicles are seen less and less, however I was horrified to notice only last week the arrival of a yellow Hummer in resort. (Yellow making even the most humble of cars appear wanky.)
Why? What exactly is the point of these contraptions? ArenÃt they military vehicles? As far as I knew ë
Courchevelà was not preceded by ëwar-tornÃ. Yes, IÃm sure they do transport their passengers safely up and down our oh-sotreacherous roads, but then so would a tank.
Is this what we will be seeing next? Tanks with leather and walnut interiors? Chieftains with a jacuzzi in the back? If youÃve got it you should apparently flaunt it and a Hummer is a pretty good way to advertise your cash. At around £40k these things arenÃt the most expensive of their kind - basically because they are bling only on the outside and cheap, plasticky American tack on the inside. Although, as with all cars, it is not only the purchase price to consider. Flooring it uphill, they can use a gallon of petrol per mile and, if having its own personal hole in the ozone layer wasnÃt enough, imagine repairs, maintenance and how much would cost to insure one.
But why would anybody with taste, style and sense wish to advertise how much money they have by driving one of these monstrosities? ìItÃs manly. ItÃll get you chicks.î I was recently advised by a (forward thinking) co-worker. However, asking around, I found that if a date arrived to pick up a girl in a Hummer, the reaction would generally be to either laugh and walk away or run and hide. Considering the old adage about the size of a car and the size of its driverÃs manhood, Hummer drivers must have teeny tiny penises.
And no boys, they are not ëcoolÃ. They are the automobile equivalent of a Dior snowboard. Only worse. I would therefore urge my fellow seasonaires to practise the ëOh my God. How sadà look of distain whenever you see one. Unlike bad all-in-one ski suits they are not funny and do not keep us entertained on the chair lifts and should therefore be discouraged. If you are with a group of friends, point and laugh and if you see one parked up, on no account should you go over for a closer look. Remember they are over-the-top, very uncool and utterly pointless when you consider that an Astra with snow chains would be quite adequate.
Thank you. Girlie rant now over, I am off to check out the utterly gorgeous and totally essential diamante Jimmy Choo stiletto sandals in this monthÃs In Style magazine.
